Is it love to keep a person in darkness for fear of hurting their feelings or embarrassing them? Or for fear of their mockery, hatred, rejection, or persecution? Listen to what Yahshua called the religious leaders of His generation on Earth, knowing they would crucify Him in retaliation: ‘O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things?’ (MATT. 12:34), and ‘Ye fools and blind…hypocrites…full of extortion and excess…ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men’s bones, and all uncleanness…how can ye escape the damnation of hell?’ (MATT. 23).
I don’t think schizophrenia or any ‘mental illness’ is particularly shameful. Mostly they result from events in a person’s childhood and is not their fault. My message about them is that there is hope, that such a person does not have to be drugged to the eyeballs because of it, nor be a prisoner to it for the rest of their life. Yahshua HAS won the victory already when He died on the cross.
When Anthony was at his worst I had a sort of code to try to show him what was his true self, and what was not.When manifesting the schizophrenic nature I would say: ‘That’s Not Anthony.’ When he was his beautiful self it was: ‘That’s My Anthony.’
Let me tell you about My Anthony: For most of the time we were friends, then courting, and the early period of our marriage, he was generous, helpful, friendly, open, witty, available, courageous, dependable, protective, admirable, heroic, and much more. We met at Kangaroo Point cliffs, the local climbing area on the river in our city. Our story is on the Internet as and has been since 25 January 2011, but written years before that. Anthony is the hero of that story.
On the night we met he took the time to tell me how to negotiate a particularly hard manoeuvre at the top of a climb that was new to me. Our next meeting saw him belaying me up another new difficult climb. It was called Love Hurts. I belayed him up the climb I was set up on that night. Name of that one: Surrender. That was when he offered to take me and my boys up the track of Mt Beerwah because my fear of heights made me too frightened to go up by myself. I think it was the next meeting he offered to take me up Mt Tibrogargan. Two of my friends had just climbed one of the faces of this monolith, and I was envious. But I couldn’t lead climb at the time. So Anthony set out to teach me. He went slowly, like teaching a baby to walk. It was solely because of him I overcame my acrophobia.
Anthony was setting up a climbing area on the Glasshouse Mountains. When a person wants to set up a climb, they must solo climb up to the place at which they intend placing the first anchor point. That is, climb with nothing to catch them if they fall. It’s usually about three to five metres. On their back or attached to a rope to drag up after them is the massive drill with which to put a hole in the rock. So they must somehow attach themself to the cliff using climbing gear, find a good foothold, and drill. After that, using a big hammer, also attached to their belt as they have climbed up, a bolt as big as my finger is bashed into the hole. About every third bolt bends as it is being hammered in, so it must be laboriously pulled out with other tools attached to the climbers belt. This often takes some time, much muscle, and a lot of patience and dedication. I don’t know if you are getting this, but it takes courage. That’s My Anthony.
When I would be up on the cliff with Anthony belaying, because I was still new to climbing, I’d often call earnestly to him to hold me tight by the rope. When he first heard me say that, he replied, “I never thought I’d hear you say those words, Debra.” It made me laugh. That witiness and wonderful sense of humour was from My Anthony.
At Kangaroo Point one night a drink can came sailing over the cliffs from above. When we went up there to retrieve our ropes, Anthony found the culprit, grabbed him by the front of his shirt, and said something like, “It’s a good thing that didn’t hit any of us, because if it had, you’d be dead!” That was My Anthony.
Anthony was on a climb once on Mt Tibrogargan when for the only time I ever knew of it to happen, he fell. It was a lead climb with me belaying him on the ground. Because he had fallen about three metres, he looked down at me and asked why he had fallen so far. I looked up at him, looked down at the ground about two metres below, and said, “Because I’m off the ground.” Anthony’s weight had pulled me up. I cautiously lowered myself and roped into a tree so it did not happen again. As he continued climbing, I looked at my fingers. As I had been pulled up they had connected with the rough rock resulting in all my skin and a portion of my flesh being scraped off the knuckles. It was hanging loose from my fingers. When it started to bleed I grabbed a bit of tissue from a bag nearby to quickly wrap around them. I didn’t tell Anthony until I lowered him off so he would not be worried.
A few days later he was telling a friend about this incident. The friend, a fellow rock climber, said, “Most girls would have dropped you.” This is not true, but not altogether inaccurate either. I know because it had recently happened to one of my top-roping instructors. He was climbing with a female friend belaying him. As she lowered him off, a bit too fast, the rope burnt her hand and she let it go in surprise. Matt fell about ten metres onto his heels. He recovered after some weeks in agony with a sore back and feet. But how could I have let Anthony go? He could have died. This was well into our marriage.
If anybody thinks I did not love Anthony then, or I do not now, or that he did not love me then, or does not love me now, they will never convince me. I believe we will reconcile and he will be delivered, for LOVE NEVER FAILS says I CORINTHIANS 13:8. In addition, I believe we will have more children. We are both 52. Yesterday Father whispered to me something about recompense and reward. I looked up the Scripture: Cast not away therefore your confidence; which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of YHWH, ye might receive the promise. For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry. Now the just shall live by faith; but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him. But we are not of them who draw back unto perdition; but of them that believe to the saving of the soul. Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen – HEBREWS 10:35-11:1.